Crap! Sasuke's Drunk!
by edluver333
Summary: Crack fic! NaruSasu Uke!Sasuke. Yaoi! Lemony goodness! Hmm, Sasuke gets REALLY drunk and calls Naru for a little chat. How can things turn out? Just read it! Now with 'Morning After After' Chapter 3! - I know, it took forever. But please r 'n' r!
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING-**** This is a crack fic with weirdness and alcohol and other crap!! Yaoi! Uke! Sasuke. Lemony!!**

**A/N-**** R&R... if you want. I really don't care. I'm just writing this story 'cause I'm bored and wanna write a crack fic!! ---- Also because I think I'm high on ramen... or drunk. Whichever! ---**

**NOW! ONWARD!! **

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Riiiiiiiiiiiiing riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing riiiiiiiii-

"Hello?"

"Is your refrigerator running?"

"Umm, yes?"

**giggle** "Well, you better go catch it!" Hysterical laughing could be heard on the other line.

"Who the heck is this?" Asked a rather pissed blond. It was, after all, 2:00 in the morning.

More giggling. "The muffin man! Duh!"

"Okay, if this is some kinda joke-"

"Hey, don't yell at me little mister!"

The blond was now very confuzzled. "What?"

"You heard me!"

"Who are you?!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stop being so mean to me!"

"What are you PMSing? Who is this?"

"I can't believe you forgot me dobe! You're so meeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaan!"

"What the heck?! Sasuke?! Do you know what time it is?"

"Yup! It's..."

A long, dramatic pause.

"Peanut-butter jelly time! Way yeah, way yeah!"

"What the heck, are you high or somethin'?!"

A pause.

More silence.

"Hello? Did you die?"

More quiet.

"Hello?"

"Shhhhhhhhhh."

"Wha-"

"Shhhhhhhhhh."

"Sasuke-"

"Shh!"

"What?!"

"There coming..."

"Who's coming?"

"The men in white cotes."

"What?"

"Shh. They can here us."

"I'm gonna hang up now."

"But I'm drunk!"

"I can see that..."

"Naru-chan..."

"Don't call me that."

"Naru-_chan..._"

"Stop calling me that, teme."

"Naru-_chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"_

"Teme-" 

"-_aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!_"

The blond sighs in defeat. "What do you want Sasuke-teme?"

Sobs could be heard on the other line. "Y-you called me t-teme! cries You-you meanie!"

"Wait, don't cry tem- I mean Sasuke!"

"Aw you sowy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. Now what do you want?"

"Hmmm... cookies!"

"Cookies?"

"Come pway wit me at my house! Pwease?"

"Sasuke, it's 2:00 in the morning..."

"Pweeeaaaaaaaaaaassssssee?"

"Fine."

Then a fangirlish squeel was heard.

"Yay!"

Naruto hung up the phone. This was turning out to be a very odd night...

_**::Ten minutes later at Sasuke's house:: **_

The blond knocked on the door for only two seconds before it flew open and a certain raven was huggling him. "Sasuke, get off me!" The other teen let go reluctantly and made the sexiest pouting face ever. Naruto tried not to get a nose bleed as he took in the other's appearance.

"What are you doing in a maid's outfit Sasuke?"

"I was pwaying dwess up. Why, you don't like it?"

The raven pouted more, if possible, and Naruto bit his bottom lip. _Must... resist... sexy... teme..._

The raven's pout turned into a smile almost instantaneously as he led the other into his large house and closed the door behind him.

The place smelt of alcohol and there were empty bottles strewn all over the room. He was even more drunk than the blond had realized. _I guess I have to stay and watch over him... He's gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow._

"Naru-chan, let's play hide-and-seek!" 

The blond smiled amusedly. Sasuke was so childish when he was drunk.

"Alright, I'll count, and you hide."

The raven nodded happily and took off as soon as Naruto began counting.

Once the blond had reached 30, he began his search for the raven. "Oh Sasuke, where are you...?"

Giggles could be heard from a bedroom nearby and Naruto smirked to himself. He slowly and quietly approached the bedroom and stood just outside the door.

"Hmm, I wonder where Sasuke is..."

More giggles were heard.

"I wonder if he's in the bedroom..." The blond mused as he slowly creaked the door open.

Well, he found Sasuke. In the room. On the bed. Nude. Sprawled out looking delectably delicious, might I add.

The blond quickly rushed his hand to his nose to stop the red liquid from flowing. The raven only smirked.

"Aww, Naru-chan found me." Sasuke pouted once again, but this time the blond couldn't help himself as he ran up to the bed and strattled Sasuke.

"You wouldn't take advantage of me when I'm drunk would you?" The raven asked huskily.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Please, you were practically begging for it."

"True, true. So, are you gonna just sit on me all day or are you gonna take advantage? Trust me, you'd be surprised at how horny being drunk makes you."

He didn't need to tell Naruto twice. Their lips suddenly connected in a sloppy kiss as they sucked on each other's tongues like their lives depended on it. Naruto meekly moved his hands down the raven's pale sides, making the other boy shiver with excitement.

The blond parted lips with the other boy only to move them further down to two hard nubs, and he began sucking on one roughly, earning a very pleased moan from the raven. He soon switched to the other, completing the same ministrations.

"Na... Naru-chan, you're wearing entirely too much clothing."

The blond smirked. "You can help me with that." The other boy nodded and before anyone could blink, Naruto's clothes had miraculously disappeared. "Anxious much?" Sasuke sneered, but gasped when he felt a warm mouth enclose his throbbing member.

"Ah... Na... ru... chan..." Loud groans could be heard from the raven's soft lips.

The blond scraped his teeth lightly again the exposed flesh, enjoying the animalistic noises he was provoking. His hands anxiously pumped what his mouth could not reach, and he almost choked as the boy before him bucked his hips upward roughly.

Sasuke shuddered as he released into the blonde's mouth.

"Mmm, Sasuke, you taste so good." The raven pulled the blond back up to place a chaste kiss on him.

They pulled apart for breath, and stared into each other's lust filled eyes. Finally, Sasuke spoke. Though, it was not what the other boy expected.

"Naru-chan... take me _now_."

Naruto blinked, once, twice, thrice.

"_Please..." _

The blond was brought out of his trance state of mind at hearing these words. "Gladly."

He placed his fingers in front of the other's mouth. "Suck." Sasuke obliged eagerly and once Naruto thought his fingers were well lubricated, he placed them just in front of Sasuke's puckered entrance. He slowly pushed in one finger, let Sasuke adjust, then added another and began moving around. Soon after, he added a third and searched for that special spot.

"Ahh! Naru-chan!"

_Bingo. _

He memorized the spot and slowly pulled his fingers out, hearing a whimper from the raven.

Finally, the blond positioned himself and cooed gentle words to Sasuke. He pushed in the tip, trying to maintain his self control, and continued on after receiving a small nod from the other boy. His pace began to quicken and he couldn't contain himself as he heard delectable moans coming from Sasuke.

"Nnn... Naru-chan... mnnnmnmmaahh..." The boy thrust into his prostate constantly and finally couldn't take the heat from the other boy anymore, and came into Sasuke, who soon followed suit. They snuggled next to each other sweetly, Naruto holding Sasuke protectively in his arms.

"Mmn, night teme..."

"Don't call me that... meanie."

Naruto chuckled lightly. "Shh, go to sleep Sasuke."

Sasuke smiled contently and they soon drifted into a peaceful slumber.

**Yay! Crack fic!! ------------------------------------------**


	2. The Morning After

**The Morning After...-**

(Sasuke's POV)

_No... Stupid sun, go away._ He groaned. _Morning comes too early nowadays... Oh, but what's this? It's so soft and warm... My pillow...? No, it's too lumpy. Then what? _

Sasuke chanced a glance at whatever he was currently snuggled up to, eyes only opening into small slits. _A... person? _

He opened his eyes wider to see whom he was with and why. _Na... ru... to...? _Suddenly his eyes went completely wide with shock. He slowly lifted his blanket, only to confirm his fears. _Ho-ly..._

"Fuck!" He shouted, more like squealed, the rest of his thought. This is how he ended up on the ground, hitting his bum rather hard, a moment later. Unfortunately, the blanket came with him to the cold hard ground, revealing a nude Naruto.

He turned a very deep shade of scarlet.

Luck was not on his side, as the blond awoke from the profuse shouting. Dazed, he sat in the bed, legs crossed, and blinked once, twice, thrice. "Mornin' Sasuke. Whatcha doin' here, on the ground?"

Sasuke ground his teeth harshly. "Gee, I dunno Naruto. Why don't _you _tell _me_!?"

The blond looked thoughtful for a moment before it dawned on him. "Oh Em Gee, Sasuke. Uh... well... Wow." Was all the blond could get out.

"Wow?! WOW?!" The raven stood, furious, and grabbed a pillow off the bed threateningly.

"You freakin' screw me while I'm drunk and all you can say is WOW?!?!"

"Jeez Sasuke, chill out. You were _begging _to be laid. Besides, it's not like you're a virgin."

Sasuke's embarrassment won over his anger at this statement.

"H-how would y-you know??" He wondered, turning a deeper shade of red, if possible.

"Well, you're not now." The blond mumbled

That was the last straw. Sasuke screamed in a un-Uchiha-like manner and threw the pillow at the blond, grabbing another instantaneously.

"Get. Out. Of. MY. HOUSE!!" He grit uncharacteristically.

Naruto immediately scrambled off of the bed and toward the door in a futile attempt to evade one very pissed Uchiha chasing and beating him with a pillow.

Finally, he yanked open the door. "Don't ever touch me again!!" And the door was slammed in poor Naruto's face.

He left in such a rush he forgot his clothes...

(**Sasuke's House- A few hours and who-knows-how-many beers later)**

"Hey Naru?"

"Hmm?"

"How do doggies... **giggles ...**have sex?"

"Well, why don't you let me show you Sasu?"

The End

**A/N- ****lol Like the 'Morning After'? Please review! Ja ne! XDXD**


	3. The Morning After After

**Okay you guys. **

**This is the last one. I got enough reviews asking for a third chapter, so here it is. **

**Enjoy! XD**

**The Morning After After**

Sasuke awoke feeling lightheaded and content. It was warm and cozy, and he liked it that way.

Finally he decided to open his eyes ever so slowly, rubbing them to get used to the dim lighting of the room. Not a particularly nice room...

Definitely not **his** room... Not his room... Not... "Oh my fucking... Ugh! Dammit, not again!!" He screamed, not at all helping the headache he had.

Naruto rushed into the room, knife in hand, wearing an apron. "What is it? Where's the fire??" He looked at the teen sitting in his bed.

"Oh..." He grinned sheepishly. Sasuke stared, dumbfounded. "Oh?" He hid under the covers, exasperated.

"Go away, loser..." He tried. Naruto walked towards him, speaking. "Sasuke... Come on. You gotta be getting used to this by now, seriously."

Sasuke groaned. Naruto sighed. "I hate you, Naruto. I really do."

_You know what? Grrrrrrr..._ "Dammit Sasuke! It's not my fault you can't hold your beer!" Said teen peeked out from under the covers.

"But it's not my fault you fuck me every time I can't." He mumbled. Naruto came closer. Sasuke glanced at the knife in his hand, and sat up abruptly.

"Don't come any closer with that knife!" He yelled. Naruto rolled his eyes and set the knife on the floor. "Happy?"

"No. You keep sexing me up while I'm drunk!" The blond laughed. "So I can sex you up when you're not drunk?"

Sasuke blushed. "That's n-not what I meant!!"

"But Sasuke, you're the one who asked me how 'doggies have sex'." Naruto smiled devilishly. "Rawr!"

The blond blinked. "What the hell? 'Rawr'? What is that??"

The raven jumped out of the bed, rushing to the door and swinging it open. "I'm leaving! And you," Sasuke pointed at the blond," just stay away from me!"

"Ooh, Sasuke gave me the finger." Naruto said nonchalantly. "Well then, Sasuke, don't forget **this**." He held up the maid's outfit from two nights ago.

Sasuke turned crimson in the face. "W-wha... W-where did you g-get that?"

"You were parading around in this a few nights ago. I guess you really like it. I know I do..." He smirked.

Sasuke was juuuuust about to give up when...

"Fine then." He grabbed the dress from the other teen and headed towards the kitchen.

A Few Hours Later

"So Naru-chan," a pale teen in a skanky maid's outfit questioned, "What do you want to do next?"

Said teen blinked and put his finger to his chin in a thinking manner. "You." The raven crawled onto the other's lap.

"Oh, but I wouldn't want to take advantage of you like that. I mean, you can't even keep your eyes focused." Sasuke said poutily, smirking.

Naruto shook his head vigorously. "I wanna fuck you like an animaaaal..." The raven tried to hold back a blush.

"But you don't know what you're saying." He slid off Naruto's lap and looked in the fridge. _Damn... Outta beer..._

He walked back to the teen sitting on the couch and helped him to his feet. "Better get you to bed." Naruto wiggled his eyebrows pervertedly at the statement.

"Dobe..." As soon as he started walking, he tripped. Yes, and fell. Yes, with the larger teen landing on top of him.

"Ow..." He said, rubbing his bottom. "Damn heels..." The raven glanced up only to notice the preditorial glint in Naruto's eyes.

"Naruto..." He said in a warning voice. Then he gasped.

"N-no... Stop..." He tossed his head back in a moan. The blond sucked harder, making Sasuke shiver and gasp.

Then Naruto pulled away. Sasuke whimpered a little in protest.

Naruto pulled off hid own pants and came back to Sasuke. "Mmm, turn around Sasuke. **Now**." Said teen gulped, then blinked, looking into the eyes staring directly into his...

"Hey waitaminute!" He tried to push the other off of him in vain. "Y-you're not drunk, are you?"

The referred to teen rolled his eyes impatiently. "I can hold my beer, unlike you Sasuke. Now turn around."

"But-"

Naruto flipped Sasuke over, ready to fuck him in the ass already!

He thrust in quickly, not caring to use lubrication. "Ow! D-dammit Naruto..."

The blond sat still for a few minutes before-

"Move."

And he complied happily. Their pace was slow at first, then sped up as begs and moans became louder. Naruto thrust relentlessly, holding Sasuke's hips for support.

"N-Naru... chan... Ngh... More!!" Naruto reached his hand underneath their sweaty bodies until it reached the other's aching cock.

He pumped in time to their thrusting and soon he could no longer take it. "Sasuke, I'm gonna...-"

A loud moan was heard as Sasuke spilled his seed all over Naruto's hand and the floor. The other came soon after.

They collapsed on the floor, exhausted. "Sasuke..."

"Hmm?" He turned towards the blond ever so slightly.

"I think I love you..." He whispered softly. He looked into Sasuke's eyes, determined to show his genuine feelings for the other.

Sasuke turned his back to Naruto and scooted closer, into the embracing warmth.

"I think I love you too..."

Naruto gently wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist and they fell asleep, content in each other's presence..

The Next Day--At the Doctor's

Sasuke sat anxiously on the examining table, Naruto holding his hand just as worriedly.

Dr. Tsunade walked back into the room, holding her clipboard and looking solemn. The two glanced at her in impatience. "Well?" Naruto finally asked.

She cleared her throat dramatically. "Sasuke, you have alcohol poisoning."

Said teen blushed. "What?"

She waved her hand dismissively. "Just kidding. It's actually amazing that you don't." Sasuke growled. "Get to the point woman."

"You have AIDS. I'm sorry." Naruto blinked. "What?? How can that be? I don't..."

"Just kidding, just kidding."

Naruto sighed in relief and Sasuke glanced at his slightly protruding belly.

"So what is it you damn lady??"

She sighed. "You're pregnant! Congrats!"

They looked at her. And looked at each other. Then her.

"You're serious?"

She nodded. "One hundred percent."

They kept staring.

"Okay, not really.

Sasuke's face glowed with anger. "Then **what**?!"

"I think you're getting a beer belly. Better lay off, kid."

They blinked.

And stared.

And blinked again.

"She's right Sasuke, you need to lay off the beer."

**END**

**LOL Okay, I really hope you liked it. And that is FOR SURE the last one now. Please review. I love ya'll!! XD**

**Ja ne. **


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